True Blood Spoilers Taste Great!

Posted by sean in Television & Web Series on October 30th, 2009

If you’re a True Blood addict (and I am, very much so), this nine-or-ten-month gap between seasons can be a little hard to get through. Each season finale so far has managed to raise more questions than it’s answered, and so here we are, wondering about so many different things when the answers are way out on the horizon. Now, normally I do hate spoilers – really, I do – but I happen to love speculating. And if a few light spoilers give me a healthy headstart on Season 3 speculation, well, I’ll take what I can get.

And E!, that most serious and reliable of news sources, has at least a few things you can sink your, um, teeth into. I’m not ruining anything huge here, but if you want to keep yourself totally pure for the next episode, STOP READING HERE.

…still reading, huh? You sure?

Really sure?

OK, here goes:

*I’m not totally clear on whether they’re the ones who kidnapped Bill, but at the start of Season 3, he’ll be in the custody of a gentlemanly vampire named Talbot and a kindly old woman named Olivia. Both sound like they’ve got an air of Southern gentry about them, and in fact Talbot is the lover of the vampire King of Mississippi. Also, creator Alan Ball says that there won’t be a Bill-Sookie wedding this season, and that the couple “might go through some rough patches that last maybe a little longer than Team Bill fans might like.” But, he assures us, the two “have a connection that will never die.”

*Other new characters: most notable is the appearance of Alcide Herveaux, a major character and fan favorite from the third book. Herveaux is a werewolf who comes with some romantic baggage, in the form of Debbie Pelt, who Ball describes as “a very bad woman.” We’ll also see another new vampire, a guy named Franklin Mott who takes a liking to Tara. Hey, when your man dies via gunshot, what better rebound than someone who’s already dead?

*Eric Northman, the baddest vampire around, has a new ladyfriend, and her name doesn’t rhyme with Schmookie. Rather, Eric’s got an eye for Yvette, a Czech stripper at Fangtasia. Since I was a young lad, I’ve always said cable TV needs more vampire strippers, and it sounds like I’ll finally get my wish. Of course, there’s also plenty of people (mostly female) who say cable TV needs more of Alexander Skarsgard’s body, and they’ll get their wish, too… it’s been said that Eric gets just about naked in the season premiere.

*Speaking of new romance… well, I dunno if this counts as romantic, but apparently Jason’ll be hooking up with some hot co-eds… with, er, bullet wounds in their heads. Does this mean we’re gonna see zombies introduced to the True Blood universe, or is Jason just on a bad V trip?

*The main theme of this season will evidently be about identity, as most of the main characters try to find out a little more about who they are. Sam Merlotte, obviously, will be off finding his biological parents, but he’s not the only one with questions. Sookie will “get closer” to answers about that blue flashy thing she did to Maryann – and why she has supernatural powers but Jason doesn’t. Jessica, meanwhile, will continue to have all the emotional breakdowns and mood swings that go with being a teenage girl – plus the ones that go with being a newly made, bloodthirsty vampire. We’ve seen before how this makes her significantly more dangerous than your average 17-year-old; it seems we’ll see a lot more of it this season.

Well, that’s all so far, but hell, that gives us a lot more to chew on than we had, say, last week. I love True Blood because it mixes darkly funny, gory, oft-disturbing pulpy vampire fiction we can all get into with the soapy relationship drama we all hate to admit we get into. And it’s all done artfully without taking itself too seriously. These are dangerous tightropes to walk, and it sounds like Season 3 will keep up the balancing act. Bravo, Alan Ball.